Narcissistic Abuse Vocabulary and Key Traits

To fully understand narcissistic behavior, it’s essential to recognize how narcissists function, their emotional landscape (or lack thereof), and the tactics they use to manipulate others. Below is a detailed vocabulary list that not only includes abuse-related terms but also differentiates how narcissists lack empathy, guilt, and other emotions.

Key Stages in Narcissistic Relationships

Idealization – The initial phase where the narcissist puts their victim on a pedestal, showering them with love, attention, and admiration (often through love bombing).Example: "At first, he told me I was the best thing that ever happened to him—texting me all day and making grand promises."
Devaluation – The stage where the narcissist begins to criticize, belittle, and find faults in the victim after gaining control.Example: "Suddenly, I was no longer 'the one'—he started pointing out my flaws and comparing me to others."
Discard – When the narcissist abruptly ends the relationship, leaving the victim feeling worthless.Example: "After making me believe we had a future, he ghosted me overnight without an explanation."
Hoovering – Attempts to suck the victim back into the cycle after the discard phase, using guilt, fake apologies, or grand gestures.Example: "After months of silence, he messaged me saying he missed me—it was just hoovering to pull me back in."

Tactics Used by Narcissists

Gaslighting – Making the victim question their reality, memory, or sanity.Example: "Every time I caught her lying, she said I was 'imagining things'—gaslighting at its finest."
Triangulation – Using another person (ex, friend, or family) to create jealousy or conflict.Example: "He constantly talked about how his ex still wanted him—it made me feel insecure and desperate for his approval."
Projection – Accusing others of the behaviors the narcissist is actually guilty of.Example: "She accused me of being selfish when, in reality, she only cared about
herself."
Silent Treatment – Ignoring the victim as a form of punishment and control.Example: "I asked him about his behavior, and he refused to talk to me for days."
Word Salad – Using confusing, nonsensical arguments to avoid accountability.Example: "When I confronted him, he spoke in circles, avoiding the real issue."
Future Faking – Making false promises about the future to keep the victim hooked.Example: "He said we’d get married and have a family, but he never took a single step toward it."
Breadcrumbing – Giving small, inconsistent bits of attention to keep the victim from leaving.Example: "After ghosting me for weeks, she sent a ‘miss you’ text just to keep me on the hook."
Intermittent Reinforcement – Alternating between affection and abuse to create addiction.Example: "One day he was kind and loving, the next he was cold and distant—it kept me desperate for his approval."

Narcissistic Personality Traits

Narcissistic Supply – The attention, admiration, or emotional reaction that fuels a narcissist’s ego.Example: "He needed constant praise to feel important, and if I didn’t give it, he got angry."
Grandiosity – An inflated sense of self-importance, believing they are superior.Example: "She genuinely believed she was the smartest person in every room."
Entitlement – The belief that they deserve special treatment and rules don’t apply to them.Example: "He cut in line and got furious when someone called him out."
Manipulation – Using deceitful tactics to control and exploit others.Example: "She pretended to cry to get out of taking responsibility for what she did."
Lack of Empathy – Inability to genuinely understand or care about others’ emotions.Example: "When I told him I was struggling, he said I was ‘too sensitive’ and changed the subject."
Blame Shifting – Never taking responsibility and always making someone else the scapegoat.Example: "If something went wrong, it was always my fault, even when it was clearly his mistake."
Victim Mentality – Portraying themselves as the victim to gain sympathy.Example: "Even though she hurt me, she made it seem like I was the one who wronged her."

How Narcissists Process (or Don’t Process) Emotions

Lack of Guilt or Remorse – They don’t feel bad about hurting others.Example: "He cheated on me, lied, and never once apologized."
Shallow Emotions – Their emotions are superficial and often exaggerated for manipulation.Example: "She cried hysterically when I confronted her but moved on instantly when I forgave her."
Jealousy & Envy – They cannot tolerate others having what they lack.Example: "He acted like my achievements were personal attacks on him."
Fragile Ego (Narcissistic Injury) – Their self-esteem is weak despite their outward arrogance.Example: "When I gave him constructive criticism, he exploded in rage."
Narcissistic Rage – Extreme anger when their ego is threatened.Example: "I caught her in a lie, and she screamed at me for hours instead of admitting it."
Control & Possession – They see people as objects they own, not individuals with their own agency.Example: "He treated me like an accessory, not a partner."
Pathological Lying – They lie frequently, even about small, unnecessary things.Example: "She lied about everything, even things that didn’t matter."
Fear of Abandonment – While they push people away, they also fear rejection.Example: "He ignored me for weeks but panicked when I actually left."

Why Narcissists Avoid Accountability & What They’re Hiding

Narcissists cannot accept reality because it threatens their fragile self-image. They shift blame and manipulate situations to hide their deep internal deficiencies. Here’s a breakdown of why they do it and what they are trying to conceal:

Tactic	Why They Do It	What They’re Hiding	Example
Blame-Shifting	Avoids responsibility by making others the problem.	Inability to self-reflect and lack of emotional maturity.	"It’s your fault I got angry! You provoked me!"
Gaslighting	Distorts reality to control others and avoid consequences.	Fear of being exposed as flawed or wrong.	"That never happened. You’re just making things up."
Projection	Accuses others of their own toxic behaviors.	Internal shame and self-loathing.	"You’re so controlling!" (When they are the controlling one.)
Deflection	Changes the subject to avoid self-examination.	Low emotional intelligence and lack of self-awareness.	"Why are we talking about my mistakes? What about yours?"
Minimization	Downplays harm to maintain their self-image.	Lack of empathy and accountability.	"You’re exaggerating. It wasn’t that bad."
Triangulation	Uses third parties to validate their false reality.	Insecurity and fear of being abandoned.	"Even my friends agree that you’re the problem."
Silent Treatment	Punishes others for questioning them.	Lack of communication skills and emotional regulation.	(Ignores messages after being confronted.)
Playing the Victim	Gains sympathy to avoid blame.	Deep-seated fear of being seen as the villain.	"After everything I’ve done for you, this is how you treat me?"
Future Faking	Makes false promises to keep control.	No real intention or ability to change.	"I swear I’ll change! Just give me time."
Word Salad	Uses confusing talk to exhaust and manipulate.	Inability to have a rational, honest conversation.	"I didn’t do it. But if I did, it’s your fault. And why do you always bring up the past?"
Rage & Intimidation	Uses anger to shut down the conversation.	Powerlessness and fear of losing control.	"You always want to argue! Just shut up!"

Narcissists use these tactics not just to manipulate others, but to protect themselves from facing their own inadequacies. Their fragile ego cannot handle being wrong, so they create a false reality where they are always right and others are to blame.

🚩 What They Are Hiding:

✔ Lack of self-esteem

✔ Lack of empathy

✔ Fear of rejection & abandonment

✔ Inability to regulate emotions

✔ Deep internal shame

✔ Lack of true self-identity

💡 The truth is, they aren’t as confident as they seem—every manipulation is a desperate attempt to maintain control over their illusion.

Final Sketch of a Narcissist

A narcissist operates in predictable patterns:

They idealize you, making you feel special.
They devalue you, making you feel inadequate.
They discard you, replacing you with someone new.
They hoover you back when they need more supply.

They lack genuine empathy, guilt, and remorse, using manipulation, blame-shifting, and deception to maintain control. Their fragile egos require constant admiration, and they react with rage or silence when their false image is challenged.

Key Takeaway: A narcissist is driven by control, validation, and power—not love or genuine connection. Recognizing their tactics is the first step to breaking free from their cycle.

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