Victim of Narcissistic Abuse Checklist

Narcissistic abuse is subtle and often goes unnoticed until deep emotional damage is done. Victims experience self-doubt, confusion, and a loss of self-worth. If you resonate with many of these statements, you may be in an abusive dynamic.

The Four Stages of Narcissistic Abuse

1. Love Bombing

☐ They showered you with excessive attention, gifts, and affection at the start.

☐ They made you feel like you had found the perfect partner or friend.

☐ They idealized you, made intense future promises, or rushed the relationship.

☐ They mirrored your values and interests to seem like your soulmate.

2. Devaluing

☐ They started criticizing, belittling, or subtly undermining you.

☐ They withheld affection, approval, or attention as a form of control.

☐ They gave you mixed signals—sometimes loving, sometimes cruel.

☐ They used passive-aggressive comments or backhanded compliments.

3. Discarding

☐ They abruptly withdrew or disappeared without explanation.

☐ They treated you as if you were worthless or easily replaceable.

☐ They blamed you entirely for the relationship failing.

☐ They showed no empathy for your pain and moved on quickly.

4. Hoovering & Breadcrumbing

☐ They reappeared with apologies, grand gestures, or false promises of change.

☐ They sent you small signals of interest (texts, likes, comments) to keep you hooked.

☐ They played with your emotions to prevent you from fully moving on.

☐ They claimed to miss you but showed no real effort in changing their behavior.

Confusing Feelings & Psychological Impact

☐ You feel like something is wrong but can’t pinpoint what.

☐ You experience sudden mood swings or feel emotionally drained.

☐ You have low self-confidence and constantly seek validation.

☐ You doubt your memories or struggle to recall events accurately.

☐ You experience apathy, depression, or frequent anxiety.

☐ You feel emotionally numb, disconnected, or detached.

☐ You have difficulty making decisions or trusting yourself.

☐ You feel guilty for standing up for yourself or setting boundaries.

☐ You second-guess yourself even when you know the truth.

☐ You feel addicted to them despite the pain they cause.

Manipulation & Control

☐ They gaslight you by denying things they’ve done or twisting reality.

☐ They give backhanded compliments that make you feel insecure.

☐ They sabotage your confidence through subtle criticism.

☐ They guilt-trip you into doing things their way.

☐ They use silent treatment or withdrawal to punish you.

☐ They demand attention but rarely offer emotional support.

☐ They shift blame onto you when you confront their actions.

☐ They minimize your feelings while exaggerating their own.

☐ They make you feel guilty for setting boundaries.

Isolation & Dependence

☐ They discourage or prevent you from spending time with loved ones.

☐ They create tension between you and your family or friends.

☐ They make you feel like they are the only one who truly understands you.

☐ They subtly undermine your confidence to make you dependent on them.

☐ They act like a victim when you express the need for space.

☐ They tell you others are against you or don’t have your best interests at heart.

Triangulation & Smear Campaigns

☐ They use other people to make you feel insecure or jealous.

☐ They compare you to an ex or another person to make you feel inadequate.

☐ They talk badly about you behind your back to others.

☐ They create conflicts between you and others while playing the victim.

☐ They twist facts to make themselves look good and you look bad.

☐ They recruit others to gang up against you emotionally.

Intermittent Reinforcement & Future Faking

☐ They switch between being kind and cruel, keeping you emotionally hooked.

☐ They love-bomb you with excessive affection before pulling away.

☐ They make big promises about the future but never follow through.

☐ They dangle hope to keep you invested in the relationship.

☐ They claim they’ll change but revert to old behaviors.

☐ They breadcrumb you with just enough kindness to prevent you from leaving.

Reactive Abuse & Projection

☐ They provoke you until you react, then blame you for your outburst.

☐ They use your emotional responses as "proof" that you are unstable.

☐ They call you "crazy" or "overly emotional" when you express feelings.

☐ They accuse you of behaviors they themselves are guilty of.

☐ They claim you are controlling when you set healthy boundaries.

☐ They label you as toxic or abusive when you finally stand up for yourself.

Physical & Financial Control

☐ They control or monitor your finances.

☐ They sabotage your work or career progress.

☐ They guilt you into financially supporting them.

☐ They withhold money as a means of control.

☐ They interfere with your basic needs (sleep, food, medical care).

☐ They use threats or intimidation to maintain control.

Scoring Interpretation

• 0-5 checks → Some concerns, but not necessarily narcissistic abuse.

• 6-15 checks → Signs of emotional abuse—consider seeking support.

• 16+ checks → Strong indication of narcissistic abuse—seek professional help and prioritize your safety.

If this checklist resonates with you, know that you are not alone. Healing is possible, and your reality, emotions, and boundaries are valid. This is not a diagnosis of any condition.

This checklist has no scientific findings, it's for awareness and education purposes only. If you resonate with this, please seek professional help.